L'esprit de l'escalier

It's all about the timing.

Name:
Location: Memphis, Tennessee, United States

I'd rather be somewhere else most of the time and I'm a huge practitioner of staircase wit.

7/01/2005

Sometimes sneeze-guards just aren't good enough

“My grandfather had a wonderful funeral....It was held in a big hall with accordion players. On the buffet table there was a replica of the deceased in potato salad.”
Woody Allen

Sometimes large people have this smell. I don't know what it is, but I can only attribute it to larger people, since that's been my experience. I should clarify, I do not think all large people smell, just some, but it's a smell that only belongs... anyway, you get the point. It's kind of sour, like.. er, like there're some crevices that haven't been gotten, know what I mean? So, I'm smelling that very distinctive smell, plate in hand, fried Chinese food-stuffs haphazardly placed underneath the heat-lit sneeze-guard and the man won't move. And he's coughing. And they're deep, rough, takes a couple seconds for one to come out. I feel pissy, trying to find a way to avoid eye-contact but still manage past him for the wontons. But he's massive and he's laboring and he's staring blankly, so I sulk my way back to our dimly-lit (more grossly than romantically) booth and begin to eat. David joins me. We're both put off. Feeling like animals trying to get the food in quickly, not enjoying the slowly filling bellies, barely keeping it down. It's not all the man's fault. There were others, there were children wiping faces, trays being carelessly dropped, Elton John was playing on the speakers, we had to get out of there before we became one of them. The chicken tasted like slime, the wontons crunched like cockroach shells. We left for the Sub Shop and like that, there went $11 out the window. But we kept our health, our food integrity (is that a thing?), our appetites.

6/28/2005

The buggy humidity of the South

So much has changed in my life since I last wrote, just as I'd been hoping would be the case. What a relief. My job's better (although my pay was decreased due to a lower cost of living which I don't necessarily agree with but whatever), my living arrangement better, my social life waaaay better, my doin' it is even better.

We are technically homeless, though, according to the literal sense of the word. But thanks to our beautiful family and friends, we've been living very well. Each week has given us a new home. The first week was spent with my mother-in-law where we went through the complete circle of apartment-searching. We thought we'd be renting something as soon as we found it but just 4 days after our search began it came to a complete halt. We couldn't find anything and decided (it was sort of decided for us by fate, or lack of funds and/or credit but again, whatever) to live with David's grandparents in Walls, MS on 4 acres of wide open grass and blackberry bushes for a couple of months until we're caught up financially and in a good position to begin working towards purchasing our first home. We made blackberry pie from SCRATCH the other night, by the way, from berries PICKED OURSELVES (I have scratches from the bushes to prove it and we even made the pie crust). This couldn't be a more exciting, critical step in our adult lives.

But before we went to David's g-parents, we stayed at my parents house for a week in the suburbs while they were out of town. This is when we went through our I-can't-get-enough-of-Direct-TV-phase, literally. Can you say home improvement? The love affair truly didn't last. Although, the pausing of live television was definitely all it was cracked up to be.

Then we went to David's g-parents and boy has that been an eye-opener into old age. They're 83 years old for christsake. Here's the story I like to tell about them. We went over there to visit one evening before we knew we were moving in and stayed for dinner. His sweet, sweet g-mother kept saying she was embarrassed about not having all the ingredients for the Mexican casserole she'd made, but she placed it on the table anyway in the hopes that it was still acceptable. That remains to be seen. The ingredients were as follows; ground beef, taco-like sauce, chopped onions, american cheese slices melted on top and, I'm not kidding about this, crushed up ruffles... burnt. Turns out some missing ingredients translates to the MAIN ingredient which was probably MACARONI. And some shredded cheddar and some green peppers and tomatoes and spices and TORTILLA chips, how 'bout? But really, I like telling this story more than I should. It wasn't that bad...ahem, I guess. But what a sweet, sweet woman for real. Every morning the first thing she asks us is if we slept well and then she tells us how much she loves us both on our way out. She's really the perfect granny. Besides mine, of course, rest her grandma soul.

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