L'esprit de l'escalier

It's all about the timing.

Location: Memphis, Tennessee, United States

I'd rather be somewhere else most of the time and I'm a huge practitioner of staircase wit.


If I were a Cult Movie Character, I would be this one.

I am Tetsuo, from "Akira." Leave me
alone, dammit!

Which Random Cult Movie Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla



I've never had a mentor before, but after browsing through some intranet websites yesterday, about this new dream job of mine, I saw a name I recognized.

I was at an art opening in Memphis a few months ago and was talking to a couple of friends about wanting to transfer back home real soon. A girl I was talking to suggested I email her step-mom. I was all, great, yeah, I'll do that. I wrote her name down and everything. But I never wrote her. I didn't think I'd ever really get around to using the name I'd just been given in the name of networking.

Networking, something I wrote a poem about in college once.

Networking, the cheap, false, phony way of getting up in the world.

So, as I was browsing this internal list of names, I recognized the one. The step-mother one, no joke. I jumped at the opportunity before my eyes and emailed her. Turns out, she's a wonderful woman full of advice and pointers for this immature business minded brain to take in and make use of.

I've never been mentored before in any endeavor, however this woman made me feel both good about humanity and myself all at once. The hope, the possibility, the challenges that lied ahead just waiting to be taken on. Why did she take so much time out of her own day to help me out- a stranger, basically using her to... network?

I'll never know. But she changed the way I think about a lot of things. Namely, how giving people can be, for no other reason than to be nice.

I hear Memphis... calling me... HOooome

After I sent out my application yesterday, I found the job I really want. With the company I work for, you can have 2 application packets out at any given time. So, I'll be going for them both simultaneously, desperately hoping for the one. It's for a technical writer and jesus I haven't wanted anything this bad in quite some time. I'm like willing to do just about anything, I'd even take less pay just to be in that department, writing for a living. Lucky for me it's a salary job and more pay so I don't even have to consider less.

We just found out some friends found a house to rent, they'd been staying with their parents since moving back from LA. It'd only been a couple months but I know they are feeling pretty good right now. Remember when I just said I don't think I've wanted anything as bad as that technical writer job? I lied, want a house more and I want a family! Not a big one. Just me, D, Huey and little WhatUp. (Holmes, get it?) I want all the things I never thought I'd want before. Things I could've cared less about just 5 years ago. Funny how much things change. Priorities change, goals, all that business. I'm glad I resisted for as long as I did, though, because this way I know I'll appreciate it more once I've got it. It seems like that's the way it'll work out, anyway. I wasn't forced into anything, I just lived my life the most natural way for me and one day we woke up and wanted to be married. No big stress, no worries, we just did what we wanted to do. And we just keep on doing that. So, life may be slow-goin' sometimes, but we'll never feel trapped or rushed or in over our heads.

I've been reading another blog lately and she's about freaking out right now with that. Things happened before she was totally ready, I think, and now they're recovering. I never wanted that to happen, so I kept a tight lid on what I thought I was capable of and added a little bit at a time. I feel bad for her, I'm not saying she deserves anything, I know she wanted the wonderful family she has, but it's the pressure that kept me at bay. Now I think I can handle it. Now I'm all, bring it on! Whatever that means.

This is what that means.



So, I posted pictures in my last two entries and now they're not showing. Wtf? Maybe it's a blogspot thing, I s'pose we'll have to wait and see.

I should be working on my Letter of Intent right now. I'm applying for this job in Memphis that I don't necessarily want and don't really qualify for, so I'm not very motivated to get this fucking letter written. I don't want it to be crappy, though, so I'm putting it off a bit, but I really should just get it done and quit worrying about it, as I'm just procrastinating like I do.

In college, and I know this isn't unique to me, but I would wait until the L A S T possible minute to do an assignment. I was one of those people who thought she worked best under pressure. When I started writing short stories and shit, though, i realized how untrue that really was. I wish I could just sit down and some great piece of fiction would glide right out of me (does that make you think about tampons? I'm sorry). That's not the way it works for me, though. Turns out I have to work really hard to make something come out just right. I write and I rewrite and I polish and I rewrite some more, and while I was in school, I actually enjoyed the process almost more than the original act. In an effort to bring myself out of that, since I'm not really writing any fiction right now, I'm writing here. But it's not working. I don't look forward to writing in my blog as much as I wish I did. I read these other blogs, and I'm so inspired and impressed with all these women who have so much to say. Why do they have so much to say and I sit down and have so little? I do things, I think about things. I'm always thinking about something, in fact, so why is it when I sit down to tell a story, nothing comes out? Nothing.

Okay, that's a lie. Here's what comes out:

. Lately at work I've been having lunch with a coworker in a seperate room from everyone else. He's funny and I don't have to listen to all the bitching the rest of my bitchy coworkers do.

. The breakroom's being remodeled and the ice-machine spits out too much ice.

. There's a new guy who sits next to me now that I like okay, and everytime he says "WTF?" or "Stoopid!" I just crack up because he's all quiet and mild-mannered and aggressive language coming out all soft-spoken is funny.

. There's a basket of clean clothes that I still haven't put away from Sunday in my living room.

. My husband didn't come home from work last night until 4am. I was so worried I thought I might get sick, and I couldn't sleep until I saw that he was okay.

I'm just so fucking bored with myself I don't know where to begin! These are the things I think about when I sit down to write. Who wants to hear this shit? Obviously no one, but I don't know really how to change that. I'm not sure I care, to tell the truth.


"Unbought and unbossed"

Shirley Chisholm was a woman who fought for change in the 20th century.
Remember her as such, and she will be happy.


Las Vegas, 8/08/04

It's becoming difficult to blog without telling my husband. Literally, we share everything noteworthy about our lives with each other. We have been for over 5 years now, and suddenly I up and decide I wanna keep something to myself. It doesn't feel right, but this is so nice, this space I've created for myself. And I think it might even be good for our relationship. I've said before, I might actually gain some much needed perspective from time to time here.

Today, though, I could really use his help. I've been making some minor changes and enhancements to my blog and I'm stuck. And even though I don't think anyone actually reads this but me, I'm hoping to be proven wrong by someone answering my question. I thought about posting on someone else's blog but decided that was lazy and rude.

How do I get the parchment looking paper to cover the entire off-white center? I can't figure it out! Go ahead and call me an idiot, I don't care, just call me. No, email me or something.

By the way, while I was figuring out how to post pictures, I thought I'd introduce the only person in my life who gives a shit or means a shit. And while that isn't exactly fair to my family and the few other friends I may have, it sounded good. Mostly, though, I'm just so proud to have him. Look how hot he is.

FREE hit counter and Internet traffic statistics from freestats.com