L'esprit de l'escalier

It's all about the timing.

Name:
Location: Memphis, Tennessee, United States

I'd rather be somewhere else most of the time and I'm a huge practitioner of staircase wit.

10/05/2005

Thanks, Dad

My David and I celebrated our one-year being-married anniversary on August 8th. I know two months have passed since then, but I'm a bit behind as far as this blog goes. The traditional gift is paper. I like the idea of finding the perfect gift with a restriction like that. It makes you think more about the person than the item. It was David's idea to give me a Moleskine journal and when we saw the selection at the best bookstore in Memphis (Davis-Kidd for those of you planning your next vacation) found a perfect one for him, too. We also bought some magazines; The Oxford American (we were ridiculously happy to be back in the South), BOMB, 2600 and Nuts&Volts. Perfect paper gifts for sure. Can you guess who picked out what?

We went straight home to his mothers house (temporary home, anyway) and immediately set for an evening of reading and writing. We're so intellectual. We both think having such nice notebooks will encourage us to be, that is. We really should use them more regularly while at the same time -for me, anyway- keep our standards high as far as the content. I'm not planning to fill my pages with trite ramblings. Although sometimes trite ramblings turn into something significant after much time has passed. My intention is to document the noteworthy moments in our second year of marriage and ideas and goals and and and.

We ate at a Thai restaurant (I think Pho Ho Bin would be Thai?) for lunch. I had curry tofu and David had Kung Pao tofu with rice and spring rolls and peanut sauce. It was amazing and thankfully open. This particular restaurant has an Open/Closed sign with hours posted for no apparent reason. Or they think it's a funny joke to say they're open when the door is locked and the lights are off inside. Whatever. We took what we couldn't eat to a friend in the neighborhood who didn't know she liked tofu until she thoroughly enjoyed our leftovers.

I watched David flip through Nuts&Volts, thinking about what he wanted to do with his life. He had been struggling with that for as long as I've known him, but it was particularly pressing when we moved back from Phoenix. He had the chance, for the first time in a long time, to really find something to compel him. He'd always gone back and forth or from one thing to another, never satisfied with what he was doing at the moment. Usually, that was because whatever he was doing was something he had fallen into, so to speak, or something he was forced into for desperation and lack of funds. When we came back to Memphis from Phoenix, we lived with David's grandparents, primarily, but also stayed at my parents when they were out of town, a friends house when they were out of town and at David's mother's house. All of this was so that we could relax while David found his dream job. The problem being he still wasn't sure what that was or if there was such a thing. For once, there was a chance for him to find compelling work rather than fall into another crap way of making money.

So, the goal was simple. Get through the inconvenience of living amongst everyone else's things until we could find our own way again. David finally found the dream job he was looking for as a cabinet maker, we bought a 2nd vehicle (a Saturn station wagon that I LOVE) and now we're just saving money until we can purchase our first home. OUR FIRST HOME. Do you hear me, internet? I'm actually getting ready to buy a house. Holy shit I don't know how to explain how excited I am about the getting-on-ness of our lives but I couldn't be more. The only thing that will make this life more perfect is finding my own dream job.

I think I'll find it once I'm able to go back to school for a Master's Degree in Education and start teaching English classes somewhere. I think that's where I'll find the most satisfaction. And maybe someday along the way, maybe after I retire, I'll find the motivation and the discipline and content to write a book. It's not so much that I think I have something to offer the world. I just feel this need to get things outside of my head. There's so much in there that I can't speak, or even write properly, now. But it's there, I feel it. Normally, it's numbed by my life and the world, but when it's quiet long enough for me to listen, I can feel something like desire but not exactly and it's stifled. Certainly it's not something that can be forced out. I'll have to wait and learn how to pay attention.

I believe David had the idea to buy me the Moleskine journal because he doesn't want to let me forget that I have to remember. It's so easy to forget. My father did until writing, for him, was little more than a hobby from years ago. His desire was drowned out until it was completely replaced by need. I love him for that. I wouldn't have been able to sit with my husband, on our first anniversary, listening to him snore softly while the fan blew, the rain fell outside and the dog slept in the doorway, if my father hadn't forgotten his desire.

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