L'esprit de l'escalier

It's all about the timing.

Location: Memphis, Tennessee, United States

I'd rather be somewhere else most of the time and I'm a huge practitioner of staircase wit.


Something about making a mountain out of a molehill

I'm too stupid to be married. I drive people insane who try to live with me. My first husband's in prison for robbing banks and my current one isn't speaking to me. Last night we were talking, just normal talking. We'd been having a fine time, joking around, getting along famously and then, silly him, he tried to strike up a conversation about something. I was becoming a little tipsy and didn't really carry my half at all. In his words, I kept throwing a wrench in and he couldn't make the point he was trying to make. I told him he shouldn't be such a controlling conversationalist and just let it flow, but he said I wasn't adding anything, I was destroying it. He's had this complaint before with me. We started arguing and it just snowballed until I went to bed without saying anything more. Then he came to bed without saying anything. Then he got up because he couldn't sleep, then I got up because I couldn't sleep and I was sick of us not saying anything. Groggy and annoyed, I stopped him from whatever he was working on and insisted we talk this out. We talked for another hour without accomplishing anything and feeling worse than when we started.

I just wanted to go back to getting along famously.

I wasn't thinking about letting it go. I should've been. I finally started to go back to bed again, as it was 3am, and leave him with his monologue vaguely disguised as a conversation. But since I'd only served to make things worse, this incited rage in him. He started calling me names and saying the most hurtful things he could think of. And for some reason, that made me feel less bad. Like obviously I felt guilty for starting the arguement, but when he started loosing it, I felt like we were even. I didn't realize this until I was laying in bed listening to him insult me from the other room, and I realized I no longer felt so angry I couldn't sleep. I was tired and relaxed.

This is so unhealthy.

I don't want to make him miserable. It wasn't my intention but I was being totally selfish and emotional. I should've just let it go, gotten over myself, left well enough alone. But I didn't. Because I'm emotional and immature and won't be happy unless someone is miserable and that someone is not me. He slept on the couch. We were supposed to go to the gym together this morning. A plan we made long before the falling out, but when I asked him this morning as he was moving from the couch to the bed, he didn't say a word and went back to sleep.

I don't know how to make it better. But I tried last night and made it worse so I'll just wait, I guess. Is this a normal type of fight between married people? I have to know, otherwise I'll keep on blaming myself. Or maybe I should blame myself. But I don't know how to fix it. Shut up next time?


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